SICK

 I just got home from Nicaragua.

My month long stint was amazing. We worked with kids, teaching them English and learning Spanish in return, and we volunteered at Project Bonafide.

One day in particular was very memorable.

I spent one entire day entirely bed-ridden, sick with some sort of flu.

I woke early in the morning before the sun has risen. My stomach hurt something fierce and it seemed... swollen.

When I pressed on my gut, I suddenly realized.....I need to get to the bathroom ASAP.

Now, in Nicaragua at our homestay in the village of Balgue the word "bathroom" is very loosely used. What you may consider a bathroom would include porcelain facilities, silver faucets and fluffy towels.

This was very much not the case.

The "bathroom" was located outside of the house and consisted of a shabby outhouse containing a rough cube of cement with a hole in which to do your business. The baby goat accompaniment comes complimentary.

I grabbed my flashlight and hurried out to the bathroom, clutching my stomach. 

I tore open the door, sat down, and...well.... I'll spare you the gorey details. 

What I will tell you instead is that I felt like a Mr.Freeze (you know those sweet frozen treats) that someone grabbed around the middle and squeezed until both ends burst simultaneously.

And really, in this "bathroom" there were no such facilities to accommodate both ends of me erupting at the same time.

During my first visit I was able to clamp my hand over my mouth long enough, my cheeks expanded to their maximum with vomit which caused me to want to vomit even more.

I managed to walk back to my bedroom and pass out for an hour or so....

My second visit was not so successful. I attempted the first technique of clamping my mouth shut and instead vomited into my hands. I sat for a full minute with liquid seeping between my fingers until I decided to just drop it on the floor.

This time on my return trip the family had woken up and I had to tearfully explain in broken Spanish and gesturing that I had blown chunks all over their bathroom floor.

I slept for a few more hours, waking in between to swallow some water and gastrolyte...and a few nibbles from a granola bar. I woke with a start around 1:00 and rushed outside again, startling the very fat pig into running away.

During my third excursion I was DETERMINED not to dirty their freshly cleaned floor again.

I firmly welded my hand to my mouth, and managed to vomit forcefully (and painfully) through my nose. It splattered all over the wall, and in my gasp of horror I let loose the rest of my snack.

Now let me tell you for the record, it is absolutely NOT a good idea to vomit through your nose. If you've ever experienced the bad breath that accompanies being violently sick you would not want that smell any closer to your nose (nevermind THROUGH it).

By the end of the day I was able to force down some chicken noodle soup ( my host family made it especially because of my sickness) and I managed to survive to work again the next day.

Safely back in Canada!

AND of course it is FRIDAY. This week's Constant Reader is Chad, who sent me an encouraging message about the blog while I was away.

Thanks so much Chad, I love getting feedback!

Remember y'all that I pick a Constant Reader once a week based on people that comment, LIKE, FOLLOW, or message me about the blog.

Popularity

I get really excited every day to check how many hits my blog has.

My favourite thing to check is this graph. I especially like seeing it peak when I posted something new, which tells me that people are here, (hopefully reading) due to my constant advertising and word-of-mouth. I may be addicted to this little graph.

Also I am super happy to announce that I am finally over the 1000 mark!

Right now I'm probably ankle deep in a Nicaraguan field, thinking about how many hits I've gotten in my absence. I'm guessing by the time I get back it will be roughly 1500, so thanks for visiting and helping me get up there.

I don't think I will ever have enough popularity to actually profit from this blog. There is a way I can put adds on the page, but I only get paid if people actually click them. And really, If you guys are anything like me, it would be a waste of time.

I look up to Allie, author of Hyperbole and a Half. She writes blogs with funny pictures, so you might think I'm copying her.


Okay I might be slightly copying her, but it really merges two things I enjoy so....

So anyways I have decided that my measurement of popularity is having fans that I don't personally know. Therefore, I picked this week's Reader of the Week to be someone entirely new. (See? Equal opportunities!)




The Reader of the Week is Olivia. She is one of the first people to LIKE us on Facebook. Hope you can forgive me for borrowing you profile picture, but hope you will spread the word about my humble blog! :)


Look forward to a brand NEW blog NEXT Friday about my awesome travels!

And please forgive the lack of pictures in this one, I wrote it while packing.

Music

I think I was born into the wrong era. Musically at least.
 
I would give my left nut to go to Woodstock.  Figuratively speaking. (I wouldn't actually give away a testicle for any reason)

I like music that you can hear the instruments, and they take some sort of talent to play.

For instance, drums. Any idiot with an index finger can turn on a beat machine but it takes some real talent to play the drums. They are the least appreciated of the musicians (case and point, Ringo Star) but they keep the beat, set the tone, and are frankly the loudest of the whole band.

Then the guitar. There have been some influential guitarists in my life, and each have their own style. For instance Carlos Santana with his soulful melodies. His song Europa (Earth's Cry, Heaven's Smile) brings me to tears without a single word.



I'm not against any sort of music in particular, but I prefer the true form as opposed to the auto-tuned and synthetic music. However, when the mood hits me, I do love dancing to it at the bar. Somehow power ballads just don't have the right beat for grinding.







This week's Reader of the Week is Emily, who started me on this blog and has left the most comments! She also has a great blog of her own here.

Also Happy 20th post!

Movies

 I go to the movies an awful lot.

This is mostly because there is nothing else to do in my one-horse town.I literally see every movie that comes to theaters worth watching, as long as I'm home.

Here's the low down on the last few movies I've seen.

Water For Elephants

The title for this movie is kind of ironic, seeing as the poor elephant drinks more hooch than water.

It's mostly about romance conquering all, peppered with animal rights issues and Robert Pattinson getting his ass kicked (if you're not a Twilight fan, it is worth is just to see these scenes).

 Rio

This is a typical kids movie, brought to you by the makers of Ice Age. Personally I'm a die hard fan of Scrat, and much to my enjoyment they added a quick clip involving Scrat and Pangea. Ahhh <3

So it's about a flightless bird, brought to Rio to "save the species". Much about actual genetics is ignored and the fact that when a species gets down to two individuals the bottleneck effect due to inbreeding results in extinction anyways....... but something with a nice happy (dumbed down) ending.  

Scream 4 (SCRE4M?)

 Word to the wise: If you're going to see a sequel, see at LEAST the most recent movie before this. I've only seen the first Scream movie in the trilogy (now a guadrology?). The first movie came out in 1996. No. I didn't see it because I was a toddler! The only way I actually knew anything about Scream was from the parody in Scary Movie.

But really, it's been eleven years since the last Scream movie. They were already marketing it as a boxed set "trilogy". They knew that horse was dead, and yet they still propped it up and dressed it like a whore.

Not really a "horror" movie, but some awful gory scenes. The worst part was knowing that everyone was going to die, you just didn't know when.

HANNA

Spoiler alert! It begins and ends with this tacky red screen with annoying font. It reminds me of when my dad taught me an optical illusion. It you were to draw this out, then put your chin on the paper and squint, the letters would appear normal, instead of thin and elongated.

The movie was good, the ending was.... well I'm still not entirely sure it ended. In a way they HAD to flash that bright red screen to show you that the movie was over and you could leave your seats. For the quality of the movie (and it was GOOD) the ending was weak. Of all of the movies, I would recommend this one the most.         

This week's Reader of the Week is Jenna, who drunkenly confessed to REALLY REALLY wanting to be the reader of the week.

Also I saw one two these movies with her, any guesses which ones?

Nicaragua

So I'm leaving tomorrow morning bright and early to go for orientation.

We fly to Miami on Monday at 6am, and then catch a connecting flight to Managua. We'll be on the island of Ometepe, then a week in Granada, and another week in Leon. It's a total of four weeks long.

SO as you might guess, I won't be able to post for awhile. I also won't have Facebook, a cell phone, or internet access. This is hopefully going to be a life changing experience to open my eyes about volunteering in a new country.


HOWEVER! I have made a reader of the week posting for the next four weeks (May 6, 13, 20 and 27th) . There will be a new posting every Friday so make sure to check back!

I will return to Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule starting June 3rd. 

This week's Reader of the Week is Michael, who has hopefully recovered from his awful cold.

Oil Change

I have an awesome motorcycle.

It's a 2005 Kawasaki Ninja 250cc. I've had it since I was 16 and it's my baby. I got into my head today that I would give her an oil change, and a new oil filter.

I whipped out my owner's manual and it seemed simple enough.

1.) Warm the engine
2.) Open the drain
3.) Drain
4.) Remove oil filter
5.) Replace new filter
6.) Fill with oil.
7.) Warm engine.
8.) Check oil and top up.




So I got my tools together, and crawled under the bike to unscrew the first nut.








Here's what I saw underneath.

 

So I tried the first wrench. 

 

Too small. Next wrench.

 

Too big. Wtf. Oh. These are imperial. *search for metric* AHA! 

 This one fit, but somehow the pipe and the farings were in the way JUST so I couldn't turn the wrench. So this time I used the socket wrench. And I pulled.

 

I pulled so hard that I shook the whole bike.

 

Lying on the ground, having the bike shake like that, I got really scared.  Sooooooo I called up my dad.

Sitting on the front steps, covered in grime, the mailman delivered my mail (Plus my new shirt from 11:11 Apparel).

AND I waited. 

About an hour later my dad showed up to lend his muscles. We cranked it open, and let her drain into an old cookie tin I had (since the oil pan is mysteriously missing).

And that was when we realized that it wasn't water (or oil) tight.

 

Long story short, I made a mess. Then I had to remove the oil filter and added even MORE oil to the floor! 

I loved smelling like oil, exhaust, and getting down and dirty.

 

Can't wait to hit the road. 

Bad Luck

Some days I have colossally bad luck.

Today was no exception. 

I went out to the farm today, and stopped in at my fav fast food joint after about an hour of driving. 

And who do I run into? The guy that's broken my heart ohhh.... let's say.... a billion times. And I wish I could tell you he came in looking something like this.

But no. With my luck he waltzes in with his brand new uniform, looking polished, professional.... and damn.... I think I've mentioned my thing for uniforms....(here)

He tried to hug me, I shoved him off......annnnddd cried silently in the car for the rest of the drive.

So I get to the farm, ready to test drive the new horse (an ex race horse now to be used for breeding). I brush her down, and she's really sweet. She even let my clean her hooves and waited patiently to be tacked up.

 

Then we got the saddle on her....

 

But after a few rounds on the lunge line she settled down and was just peachy.

 

I mounted up and rode her down the corn field, and we came to a small ditch, only an inch or two wide. 

 She stopped.

She snorted.

She sniffed.

She tried to turn around.


I held her in place.

Then, it's almost like she suddenly realized her donkey lineage.... or she decided to be an ass. 

 And then.....

 I held on for dear life, deeply regretting not bringing my helmet. I calmed her down and walked back to the barn.

 She was fine. I continued to ride her for an hour, even moving up to a trot with no negative consequences. So I moved it up a notch.

Cantering.

She went fine on a short stretch of lane leading away from the barn. But when I turned her around to show off.....

Turns out she snapped her bridle, and pulling on the bit had become futile. She charged to the barn like the racehorse she was bred to be. 

I managed to get her cornered and she came to a dead halt. We fixed up the bridle, and, still shaking, I took her for a cool-down walk. Down the corn field. Back to the ditch.

This time I held her there, gently urging her forward, quietly calming her.

It was a repeat of the first time, except my reins snapped. 

She tried to bolt to the barn again, and I held on doggedly to the remaining rein, turning her in a tight circle.

When she calmed down enough to halt, I threaded the broken leather strap through the bit then quietly slipped out of the saddle.

"We are WALKING home" I said to her. 

Can't wait to ride her again though.

If I can still walk tomorrow, that is.

AND the reader of the week is Len, who read Internet this week and totally helped me solve my computer problems! Thanks Len! :D